This post first appeared on LinkedIn in 2022 and has been lightly edited for this site.
Today’s topic is on subjects, not royal ones but grammatical ones. Using the tips here can help you create more clarity in writing, which is especially important when writing to diverse audiences who may not be highly fluent in English.
Focus on One Subject
Decreased clarity often happens when writers try to put too many ideas in a single sentence. Even if these sentences are grammatically correct, they can be complicated to decipher. The following example demonstrates this. It is a made-up sentence, but anyone familiar with instruments and documents related to intangible cultural heritage will easily recognize the pattern.
Intangible cultural heritage, which is a mainspring of human creativity and includes oral traditions, performing arts, social practices, knowledge concerning nature and the universe, and traditional craftsmanship, must be transmitted from one generation to the next if it is to remain a part of a community’s identity, and without such transmission, the element will disappear, and the community will lose some part of what makes it unique.
While grammatically correct, the example is all over the place. Instead of cramming all the information into one sentence, try writing four or five shorter sentences to focus on one subject at a time.
Intangible cultural heritage includes oral traditions, performing arts, social practices, knowledge concerning nature and the universe, and traditional craftsmanship. It is a mainspring of human creativity. This heritage is also part of a community’s identity. Intangible cultural heritage must be transmitted across generations to remain so. If it isn’t, the heritage element will disappear, and the community will lose part of what makes it unique.
The rewrite is much easier to read, even if it is slightly longer. The revised sentences also show another distinct approach, which is clear to see when you pay attention to the location and nature of the subjects.
Intangible cultural heritage includes oral traditions, performing arts, social practices, knowledge concerning nature and the universe, and traditional craftsmanship. It is a mainspring of human creativity. This heritage is also part of a community’s identity. Intangible cultural heritage must be transmitted across generations to remain part of the community. If it isn’t, the heritage element will disappear, and the community will lose part of what makes it unique.
It is important to note that the subjects come early in the sentences, and other than “the community,” all subjects point to “intangible cultural heritage” in one way or another. Together, these factors help create clearer writing and increase readability.
Having every sentence in a paragraph point to a single subject is going to be difficult or even impossible most of the time, but doing so as often as possible will aid in better communicating your ideas.
Have Subjects Do Things
Focus on the subject, and make it the “doer” of the verb. In grammar, this refers to using the active voice. Focusing on the subject with the active voice allows readers to better understand what the subjects are doing. The passive voice differs as its subject receives the action instead of doing it, which can have a dulling effect. Passive constructions also generally require the writer to use more words. Compare the following passive/active sentence pairs.
Passive 1: The Pacific ICH meeting was organized by ICHORG and three Pacific States Party.
Active 1: ICHORG and three Pacific States Party organized the Pacific ICH meeting.
Passive 2: The project proposal was reacted to favorably by the participants.
Active 2: The participants reacted favorably to the project proposal.
Passive 3: The welcoming address was given by Dr. Pan.
Active 3: Dr. Pan gave the welcoming address.
But Subjects Don’t Always Need to Do Things
Active constructions generally flow more easily by helping the reader focus on what the subjects are doing. However, this is not to say that a writer should never use passive constructions. In fact, passive constructions are sometimes needed or even preferred, like when the doer is either unknown or irrelevant to the content.
Passive 1: The phones were set up for this afternoon’s conference call.
Active 1: Mr. Gurung set up the phones for this afternoon’s conference call.
The first sentence does not have a doer while the second one does. However, the first sentence is probably more appropriate, unless it is important to state who set up the phones.
Passive 2: The bus was driven to local heritage sites so the participants could experience local practices.
Active 2: A hired bus driver drove the bus to local heritage sites so the participants could experience local practices.
Again, the doer—the hired bus driver—is probably irrelevant to the message, so a passive construction will likely work better.
Further Reading
Unlike most of my posts, this one does not rely too heavily on outside resources. However, some reference materials in my library include related information. A few are listed below for further reading.
The Chicago Manual of Style. 2017. 17th ed. Chicago: University of Chicago Press.
Publication Manual of the American Psychological Association. 2020. 7th ed. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association.
Rude, Carolyn D., and Angela Eaton. 2011. Technical Editing. 5th ed. Boston: Longman.
Sullivan, K. D., and Merilee Eggleston. 2006. The McGraw-Hill Desk Reference for Editors, Writers, and Proofreaders. New York: McGraw-Hill.